A main part of my adoption journey has been infertility. There is a misconception that it’s infertility in women that starts a family down the path of adoption. That’s not the case for our family.
My wife and I had been married for a while, but decided to hold off on having a family in order to advance in our careers. By the time we decided to try to have kids, we found out that there was something wrong.
(As a sidebar – If you happen to be worried about infertility, we were told that something in the neighborhood of 80-90% of couples get pregnant when having unprotected sex within the first year. Even if you’re not trying to work out the timing, this is what naturally happens. so if you find that you aren’t getting pregnant, go see an infertility doctor to get checked out. Time is of the essence, especially if you are in your early 30s.)
When my sperm test came back for zero sperm my wife got worried. I wasn’t worried, because the internet told me that most likely there was some kind of blockage. After all, my genetic tests came out completely normal and I didn’t have some underlying disease or genetic predisposition. After 3 sperm tests and 2 procedures, the door was shut, locked, and someone had destroyed what might have never even been a key: I was completely infertile. If I recall correctly, they were able to find some very trace amounts of sperm, but there was no genetic material inside to transmit. It’s called Sertoli-Cell Only Syndrome. While there are some known causes of SCOS, for me, there was no identifiable reason why I was infertile.
I had held out hope for so long, thinking that there must be some plausible explanation why my sperm tests were coming out negative. I remember waking up from the final procedure I had and being told by the nurse and doctor that they had bad news. I’m not a crier, but I remember a single tear dripped down my face at that moment. It would’ve been a great dramatic scene on the screen, if it weren’t so personally devastating.